This blog post is going to create a lot of angry people but I am not afraid of that because this is what this blog is about - opinions. And I think most of the people who read this will recognize themselves in this one or if they don't oh well you might just be the worst kind: so pretentious you don't even know it. A couple of people inspired me to write this post including a girl tapping and jamming to her music on the tube her eyes closed.
I have been reading a lot of blogs lately, a lot of tweets and seen many people (for some reason mostly on Central Line) and I know a bunch of people. Those are my research objects for this post.
There are types of pretentious people:
1) People like the girl in the train. I remember looking at her in a very evil way trying to tell her to stop but she chose to continue looking like a dork. Earphones on and pretending that she is sooooo into the great music that she is listening to she has to dance around the carriage. No you don't have to. It's fine to listen to your music but no need to tap or dance, hum or nod and if you are not tired try keeping your eyes open. You are not a DJ. It's fine to listen to music in your room and dance around but don't tell anyone you are doing it or it's pretentious.
2) People who sing. Singing in public argggh! Especially I hate people who say oh they can sing. This is why I don't like Zooey Deschanel. Her characters are on the top of the pretentious list for me. I would never talk to her character in New Girl if she existed. I watch the show just because I like the guys. I am going to rule out singing as a joke if it lasts less than five seconds after that I don't find it funny anymore. And nobody should ever try to impress me by writing me a song. Never. Unless they are professional at it (=your songs are being played in the radio at least 3 times a day). Playing a guitar will make it even worse.
3) People who think their life story matters when it doesn't (when it does someone will tell you so no need for guessing). Why would I want to read about how you learned to walk and talk, what was your favourite toy and how naughty but cute kid you used to be. I will ask if I want to know. While it's fine to mention one of these things in a relevant conversation with you friends, a stranger does not want to know if they don't ask. So good rule of thumb here is that don't expect someone to be interested if they haven't verbally expressed their interest or if your interesting fact doesn't perfectly fit into the conversation.
4) People who pretend to understand arts. In a serious manner. This one will be short because I don't hang out with people who pretend to understand arts in a serious manner for a reason.
5) People who think they are cultured. Oh I love Jane Austen blaah blaah blaah you know what I love her books too and it's not so difficult they are nice light reads and nothing to boast about.
6) People who think they are different. Let me tell you something, I am just an average person and there is nothing that I can do that nobody else can. "I am actually a bit weird because I like to sing while I cook." Never heard of anyone else doing it? Oh of course not because you have no friends. Obviously it's not anything special all the characters in books and movies do it so basically you just copied and pasted it. I remember (relevant story to the topic! Hahaa!) when I was in primary school and I used to hope that I walked funnily or there would be something weird about my eyes that would make me interesting. There wasn't. And now I've just accepted that I am an average person with no superpowers and I am just like anyone else. For some reason many people find it hard to accept that they are just average.
I know top six of things that make you pretentious is not an ideal number so I will give you one more as a bonus.
+ people who are inspired by 500 Days of Summer. My pet hate.
oh and another one!
+ people who think they are Zooey Deschanel.
Actually the bonus ones are the most important ones if you don't want to look pretentious.
If I missed anything important please let me know I am happy to hear what you think is pretentious!
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